Love Is
What’s funny about this picture is that it’s just a picture of a blanket on a couch, but it kind of looks like a wrinkly dog with a cast on its leg. Don’t be fooled, it’s just a blanket.
Mishu
This is a great essay about the Lana Del Rey backlash, with a solid deconstruction of this elusive “femininity,” giving good basis for why I think that word is misused and misunderstood.
“By femininity, I am not talking about what women are, but rather about all that we expect women to be. The debate over Lana Del Rey’s authenticity is interesting to me because it speaks to the lack of authenticity inherent in the definition of the feminine.”
“Although both the feminine and the masculine represent social constructions, detached from the realities of who people are, it is important to realize that we attach to femininity a series of external, and therefore performable, qualities…”
So it’s kind of weird that people are now quoting me about hating Lana Del Rey. I don’t actually hate her, although I know a lot of people who do. Actually, I can count the number of people I hate on one hand—and none of them are pop stars.
The piece that I wrote about Lana Del Rey many months…
Generally speaking, I hear ya, spell check. I don’t have any guesses either.
watch this. it’s the worst thing ive ever seen, followed by the best thing.
In case you missed it, here is the final scene from the series finale of Entourage. Seems like a weird way to end such an amazing show.
Sexting Victim
When I was 9 years old, if I received a text message of amateur porn from a stranger, not only would I not have told my mom about it, I would’ve thanked god and asked the sender for more. Not this kid. To make sure we know he’s a good student they have him talk about geometry: “if you have a triangle and you put a line through it in the middle.” Well, that’s what she said. Apparently geometry nerds are too good for unsolicited pornography. What has our education system come to?
This 9-year-old is now the first official sexting victim, though I would argue that in sexting, everyone is a victim. Who then is to blame? Society, of course. Which is to say, alcohol.
The newscaster describes the video as being of “adults performing oral sex on a couch,” which I didn’t know was possible. Try as I might, a couch is very hard to fit in your mouth. But my favorite thing is the sexter’s defense that he was using the oral sex couch video as a way to sell his couch. Now, if the couch came with the promise of receiving oral sex that’d be one thing, but my roommate has a couch in our apartment with the same selling points and I don’t even want to sit on it.
Happy Father’s Day Cards
Sitting here in the late afternoon in nothing but a bathrobe, window open, with a diminishing concern for what the neighbors think, I can’t help but feel I’m becoming more and more like my father. This is why I decided that for this Father’s Day, to honor the man who made me the socially unacceptable man in his image I am today, I’d start saving early and put a little effort in this year. That’s right, I decided to buy my Dad a Father’s Day card.
To my suprise, when I went the local CVS around 1:30 AM the night before, they did not have the wide selection I usually give them credit for. But what I did find what was a bunch of garbage, so that’s something. There is a serious lack of creativity and originality in the booming industry of greetings and greeting-related cards these days, and yet it seems that the quality of cards decrease at the same rate the prices increase, almost in the fashion one would expect of a rocket, a rocket soaring through the sky.It looks like gas prices aren’t the only American lifeblood affected by the War in Iraq.
The average price for Father’s Day cards in America today? $8 dollars. Well, maybe $3-4 dollars, but my research conflicts with my poor memory and lack of fundamental counting skills, so we’ll stick with my original figures. $8 dollars for a card? Gimme a break.
When does it become inappropriate for a grown man to give a much growner man a card designed for a child? I’d bet between 3 and 8 dollars on never, and I hope I’m right. If, however, my 70 year old father does not appreciate cartoon tigers expressing the many thankless duties of fatherhood in humorous and wacky ways as much as he pretends to, I see only 2 other choices: make my own card, or venture off to the Mahogany section (which, oddly enough, is not so much about furniture as it is racist).
Here’s an example of the kinds of cards you’ll find at your average store. This card is for Father’s Day, but any holiday or Hallmark-invented reason for spending money on Hallmark can be easily substituted for it.
Wait, what? A duck… A tape.. DUCT TAPE! I, if I’m not mistaken, get it. I guess this is 1998 when tapes would be a relevant gift, and DUCT tape is a tape for DUCKS. That stupid duck in glasses and a bowtie, which is already positively absurd, didn’t actually get him a ‘tape’ like a music cassette tape, he got duct tape! One assumes he chose that particular kind of tape because he is himself a duck. It’s a clever pun and a good laugh had by all!
Is there nothing of the PASSION and INTEGRITY left in this once-respected field of art? Is that even a joke? It seems like the simple formula is:
1. Pick a word
2. Make a bad pun out of it.
3. Once you’ve gotten through the hard part, all you have to do is throw in a cartoon dad or a cartoon animal, or better yet – a cartoon animal dad! And then you’re done!
So little effort was put into this card, and so little sense can be made of it, that it would be a crime to pay for it and a heroic act to tuck it under your shirt and walk out and to steal a candy bar too.
What does a duck have to do with Father’s Day? Is my dad a duck? Am I a duck? Sure, I wear glasses and a bowtie, but… If the child is a duck, the father must be a duck, but if the child is said to be father of the man, therefore I am my father? I finally understand.
This formula led me to creating my own original “Happy _____ Day Card”! It cuts to the chase and gets the job done without any stupid puns ruining the fun.
The formula is now: Cartoon Animal + Holiday = Card
You can add in any holiday of your choice – Birth Day, Father’s Day, Mother’s Day, Bastille Day, Boxing Day, Gay Pride Month Day, whatever. Check out more “Hey, I’m a dog!” cards at the brand new Hey, I’m A Dog Card Series! home page/superstore.
Phil Collins: right, so the central premise for this video is that we’re goofy, so I’ll pretend my drum sticks are a microphone
Video Director: Great, anything else?
Phil Collins: No not really
Question: “Invisible Touch” is about a ghost woman haunting a dude who falls in love w/ her, then she literally pulls out his heart, yes or no? #yes
(via eyeonspringfield)
